Rocks in My Pockets


Signe Bauman about her animated film Rocks In My Pockets:

I describe Rocks In My Pockets as “a funny film about depression”. Well, maybe it’s not an outright comedy, but it’s full of irony and uses funny images to talk about serious matters. The thing that interests me as an artist, one of the things, is the interaction of the inwardly personal with the outwardly social. We all have deeply personal experiences that we don’t discuss, but we feel them, and when we externalize them, they become stories, and most likely they become really removed from the original inner experience. I want to bridge the gap between the internal and external, I want to communicate what it really feels like to be alive and go to a dentist, or have sex, or be depressed.

The very idea of making a film on depression happened one November day in 2010 when I was struggling through another bout of obsessive thoughts of self-elimination. I started to write down the different scenarios of how I would not commit suicide (I am very finicky and controlling about those matters). Written down, those thoughts became absurd, funny and harmless. I then asked myself where these thoughts might come from, and the whole story started pouring out of me. When I was a teen, I thought that my feelings were absolutely unique – adults seemed so impervious to suffering, and my peers were either beauty queens or bullies, their hearts cold as stones. I thought that I was the only one in the whole world feeling this pain. Then I started to see mental collapses in my family and it made me think that those collapses might be connected. What did my three cousins and I have in common? We shared the family DNA. Now that I am older I cannot see my bouts of depression as disconnected from my family. Every bit of pain I feel makes me feel the deeper connection to my family’s makeup, its past and perhaps its future. It also makes me feel connected to millions of other people who go through similar experiences. I am not alone with my bouts of depression, which I suffer through twice a year.

Singe Bauman is an independent animator known for her controversial films. The one thing she learned in her five years of Philosophy study at Moscow State University was that knowledge is relative: what you know to be true today can become a lie tomorrow.

Read more about the film here.

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